“He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust”. Psalm 103:10-14 ESV
He has risen! No longer does sin claim victory and no longer does death have its sting. What an awesome day Easter is that we get to fully celebrate these things. As the past two weeks have rolled by, I have continued to ponder on the transformative love of God and simply the implication of the gospel. While at the beginning of this year, my spirit was full of fire, now I find my heart wandering. The enemy continues to attack through temptation and emotionally I feel extinguished. But God, continuing in steadfast faithfulness, has not ceased showing me the truth and his love as I call out to him.
As I’ve alluded to in one of my other posts, the analogy of scripture and prayer being the action of breathing has always held a lot of significance to me. If we are doing one half without the other we are going to have a hard time staying alive. And as I’ve gotten back from Singapore and jumped back in, I’ve felt this truth very deeply. When I’m not in God’s word, when I’m not seeking his presence, things feel extremely off. Anxieties, doubts, temptations, and troubles start to become much more prevalent, and the enemy begins to make his moves. Because of this as I arrived home, I once again urgently committed to deep intimate times with God. I sought him in scripture and poured out prayer. However, even in committing to this I still felt void of his presence. I was seeing scripture clearly given to me by him, but I still felt off. One passage that stood out to me at this time was Ephesians 3, the prayer for spiritual strength. I began to desperately cry out to God to be filled with this fullness of God. To know the height, width, depth, and weight of his love. But I still felt nothing. However, as I’ve learned throughout my life, emotions are not the driving force behind my faith rather trusting in truth is. I began to breathe in God’s promises of never leaving me, always loving me, ready to forgive me, and continuing to change me. I found that I did trust in these things, even if I didn’t necessarily feel emotionally moved by them. As I write today, I still feel tired and emotionally down, but I continue to cling to God and the truths that he’s given me. And I believe that this is the purpose of times like this. In trials, in times of struggle, and in moments where we feel like we are walking in the valley, God wants to allow us to trust him still. To show us his love as he brings us out of our downs and up into his overflowing love and grace. God desires for us in these times, where it feels like we’re without him, to desperately call out to him to be our refuge and strength. To dive deeper into our need for a savior. And today, that is where my heart lies. In deep need of Jesus. I might feel off, and I might emotionally feel far from God, but rather than frantically analyzing my spiritual life and trying on my own to find and fix this issue, I believe God is pointing me to respond by running straight to Jesus. He has saved me and transformed me. I see his love on the cross, and in the way my life has been so drastically changed. I know his faithfulness as I reflect on what he’s done this year, and how he’s grown me in other times of trial. And I know he is working in me and through me as I’ve seen him answer specific prayers, allowing me the opportunity to continue glorifying him. God is so good, and I can’t cease to strive to understand this unconditional and intentional love Jesus displayed on the cross for me. As I enter into my last month in this place, and continue to feel down in this way, I strive to not stop chasing after Jesus. I pray that my hunger for him and his word will not cease to grow in my heart. And that, as I enter into my final days here, I would aim to see God’s continued faithfulness as he leads me to new heights of praise to him. Till then I run onward as I trust in my waiting on the Lord.
While I have felt some emotional downs, as always there have continued to be ups. Here are some of the highlights;
-Intentional worship nights on the roofs
-Baptizing a believer and seeing a new one come to Christ (2 prayers specifically answered)
-Frisbee continuing to grow, and God literally turning off the rain minutes before we play (answered prayer)
-Fancy dinners and breaking fast (3x)
-Spending the night at one of our local partner’s homes
-Line dances and other silliness
-Easter sunrise, worship, and a box full of doughnuts (family tradition)
-Very unsafe fair ride (double the adrenaline)
-More 8-ball (I suck)
-Birthday surprises and movie-watching
As I’ve mentioned, God has specifically answered multiple prayers these past two weeks, and I believe that is because of many of you. God listens to his children, and I will continue to testify to the power of prayer processes. As I continue, I pray that y’all will continue with me to lift prayer on my behalf to God. Prayer for:
- Continued intentional time with God and feeling his love deeper and deeper
- For a soul hungry for my savior and continued trust in him
- Wisdom and sensitivity in listening to the spirit on how to glorify God in my remaining days here
- For more souls to encounter the love and deliverance of Jesus
- Spiritual protection for me and my teammates from continued attacks of the enemy
Just over 4 weeks until once again I’m boarding a plane and leaving the work here behind. Already God has done so much but I believe he is not done using me here yet. As I enter into these closing days I pray to continue to run this race faithfully. Not letting the enemy an opportunity to slow down my praise but remaining persistent in my proclaiming of the gospel. God has done so much, and time feels so little, but I believe the best of what I’ve seen is yet to come. Until next time may God continue to fill you with the fullness of his spirit and spur you on in love that all people might know Jesus through the way you love others and serve him and that he might be abundantly glorified.
