“And a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.” Mark 1:11 ESV
And… I’m back. In all honesty I don’t really have any excuses for my absence from this page, other than my nonstop travel from Island, to Tokyo, to the new country I preside in now. Though my cultural adventures have been spread out, the days have zoomed by and so much has happened in such a small amount of time. But, before I hop into details of the experiences I’ve gotten to partake in, I want to dive right into my heart and where I stand in my walk with God.
As I’ve alluded to in my previous few posts the last month or so spiritually has been hard. Whether due to ongoing travel, lack of rest, or a loss of that truly intimate factor of my relationship with God, it has really felt at times like a sludge for me. I have struggled to have grace with myself as I seek to glorify God yet seem to lack the same passion and excitement for this mission. My times with God have been farther and in between and my thoughts have wandered absently. But God blessedly has more grace, and his expectations for me are much lower than my own perfectionistic aspirations. Over the past week and especially the past few days God has brought me back to the basics of my relationship with him. He has brought me back to my broken depravity and his unsearchable grace/love. The first of these has been something I’ve been struggling with for a while now. Whether it be spiritual warfare or my own self-conscious, my identity both in God and as a person have taken some hits recently. Through passively hurtful words, and a lack of spiritual exhortation I have really found myself wondering at my worth as a Christian. All I have been able to see are my faults and I have honestly struggled to identify my spiritual strengths out of fear of straying into pride or over confidence in my attributes. But God again has brought me back to the simple truths in him. That my worth, all of it, is in him. That I am a broken, sinful, falling short Chistian that is in need of him. I can’t do this on my own. But that’s where the good news is. Jesus loved me so much that he died for me, and now he is in me working through me even in the lowest of my moments. I forget so easily that Jesus came for the sick, that he is literally drawn to my brokenness. I try to fit his love for me into my own human box, yet it will never fit there. I was disobedient yet now I have received mercy. Jesus loves me, he is given me strengths for this work, and he has called me to love others. In all vulnerability I am still working this through my mind as I write this out, but I do know that this is the truth. That my father, no matter my faults is well pleased with this spiritual son. How can I justify him loving me right now? I have no idea, but it is true, and I praise him for it as I should every day. Thank you for loving me Jesus even when I struggle to love myself.
And now to the adventures. My first big memory landmark from the last few weeks was my second trip to Socorro. My first deployment to this island was in November and I believe I wrote about it in “Worship in Warfare”, but this second trip was starkly different then the first. In one regard I felt much more prepared both for the long travel by bus and boat and for the ministry on our arrival. During the week God truly went before us and I got to see him change hearts and lead us to family’s filled with overflowing love for the Lord. But the peak of the week was our visit to a cult that just recently had opened its doors to outsiders. While we weren’t able to vocally share the gospel and did more touristy things during our visit, the presence of darkness there was evident. My prayer and the prayers of our hosting mission’s family there is that seeds have been planted and that, as more are allowed through the gates, God’s love will advance, and souls will be won for him. The end of my stay turned a little sour as I came down with a fever and had to skip out on some of the fun stuff but, shortly after we returned, I found myself with new strength and ready for travel once more now to Tokyo.
Tokyo was a blast! We we’re only there for a very short while but the fun outings, new friends, and final goodbyes really has blazed a lasting spot in my brain. While the time was mostly focused preparing for the place I am in now, my thoughts lingered on the fond memories made with these friends. These people that have felt like my second family. Y’all have truly impacted my heart and you will continually be in my prayers as y’all blaze for God in all the new places we find ourselves. God bless y’all till we meet again.
And now I am here. I can’t really say where here is for security reasons but the place I find myself is starkly different than anywhere I have been so far. The culture, the people, the religion, are things that I am currently struggling to get used to and adapt to. But God has put me here. From his answer to prayers months ago in this new deployment option (“Faith or Fear”) to his renewing work in my heart right now, God has truly been in control for me. I am so excited for what lies ahead the relationships and experiences. I can’t wait to share with y’all in it all.
Some highlights from this bigger time span were;
-Bowling and Billiards
-Surfing day
-More gym and productive mornings
-Hammock talks and beach naps
-Singing in a study, riding a Caribou, beautiful view, and volleyball
-Team travel and airport romances
-Raw eggs
-Real legit Sushi
-Walking around downtown Tokyo
-Spike ball loss/chaos
-Goodbyes
-Motorcycle rides and spicy food
-A day of real rest
As I begin the longest of my deployments and today cross the official half-way point of this trip some prayer requests y’all could be lifting for me are:
- A renewed heart filled with the overflowing joyful love of God
- Open doors in sharing and English speakers interactions
- Learning language quickly
- Team unity and spiritual protection/purity
- For sensitivity to the spirit and intimate quiet times with God
- A real love towards this lost people
I am truly entering into what will be the most lastingly impactful time of this trip. I believe and know God will do great things while I am here, not because of me, but because of his love for the lost. As I continue on this adventure and journey, I can’t promise to write all the time, or at least as consistently as I was before, but I will do my best to remain present and include y’all in this work the Lord is doing. All I can ask in return is for your continual prayers for myself, and for these people that God loves so much. God loves the broken. He loves me. He loves you. And he wants us to fall into his arms once more so much. I pray that the love of God would overflow in each of your lives, and that God would once again renew you in spirit, that you may be his messenger of the gospel. He doesn’t need us, but he wants us. Let’s praise him for that grace once again. Let’s praise him for his love. He truly loves us.
