“Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?” 2 Samuel 7:18 ESV
And so ends another chapter of my life. This year from beginning to end has looked dramatically different both in scenery and spiritually. While I have now been far from home for almost 4 months, I have not been far away from God and the work of his hands. Yet even here on the mission field, surrounded by passionate believers all striving to glorify God, many days I do feel a loneliness. A separation both from my teammates and from my father in heaven. When these feelings come and my heart feels discouraged, I have continued to call out to God. However, it often feels like he’s not home. Is there some sin I have not confessed, some fear or struggle I’m holding onto? Why is my heart not at peace?
These, along with other questions, I raised to God this week as I headed into the new year. And once again he answered me. I have realized that I often become so reliant on my spiritual practices and scriptural knowledge that I don’t truly take the time to slow down and listen to God. I rely on my own power and don’t take the leap to fully trust it all to God. During this past Sunday’s service the message again spoke to me directly. The pastor challenged me to trust God’s heart, hands, and help more. All three of these seem so simple in wording but so hard in practice. Yet in my life, especially here in the midst of spiritual warfare, battling over souls, and the advancement of the gospel they are an absolute necessity. God also used the verse above to remind me once again to trust him. Who am I that he has brought me this far? What have I done to deserve this blessing of serving the lord in this way. As I stood at a student bible camp this week amidst the sound of a hundred voices of a different tongue I sang with them, praise God. Who am I that I get to see the faith of these people, that I get to encourage them through the preaching of the word. What a gift and blessing. Who am I that he has brought me this far? I am nothing in my own right, yet he that is in me is everything. And as I enter into this new year, striving to serve with all my might, I know I can trust that I have the same God that I had last year and the years before that. I can trust him with everything. it’s not all in my hands, it’s actually all in his. I give everything to have more of Jesus. More of you, less of me, take everything. I trust it all to you.
As we all enter into this new year, with new challenges, new excitements, and new experiences ahead let’s remember that we have the same God. Let’s praise him for what he has been to us. What he will continue to do in us. Who are we that he has brought us this far? What a gift we have in Jesus.
At this point I want to just thank everyone that has influenced and supported me so much this year. For my (old and new) friends, my family, my team, and all of you that have given so much allowing me to come on this trip. God bless y’all, and may you find peace and joy in him once again this year as he has given in years past.
In honor of 2023, here are some monthly highlights from this past year that meant much to me:
– (Jan) Passion Conference
– (Jan/Feb) Disc golf tournament win and sunsets at Falls Lake
– (Mar) Beach trip
– (Mar) Gatlinburg trip
– (Apr) First time driving the truck
– (May) Prom, Graduation, and NLC staff orientation
– (Jun) Honor cabins and wild weekend nights
– (July) Visting @Alex in the mountains and F3 Beatdown at Lake Gaston + Ace #4
– (Aug) Final family and friend days and arriving in the Philippines
– (Sep) Weekend ministry and Monday adventures
– (Oct) The farm, Samal day, and discipling students
– (Nov) Socoro, AOT Graduation, and everything in Cambodia
– (Dec) Camps, Christmas with this awesome team, and another year of faithfulness from our awesome God
What a year, so thankful for every moment of it. Yet even with such highlights there are still struggles, and with struggles, accordingly, we take them to the lord in prayer. Here are some prayer requests both for this new year and for this coming week ahead of me that y’all can be lifting up for me:
- Trusting God with all things
- Energy and health to stay strong in ministry
- Ears to hear and eyes to see
- And for a year of delighting in the Lord
Only a few more weeks until I hop into the second bigger phase of this gap-year trip with a 5-month deployment in my next country. Until then as I head back to Socoro once more, and then on to a short training before this new mission, may God bless y’all abundantly. May you trust him with all things and may he be your joy, peace, and hope. Give him everything. Everything. He is worthy of it I promise. Here’s to a new year, a changing me, and the same faithful God. Who am I that you have brought me this far? All glory to you Jesus.
